Why I Love Winter

It's fall. That means it's cold and winter is coming. I am a huge fan of the winter for four reasons which I am happy to share with you right now. The cold air is clean, I get to wear my badass jacket, I get to keep food in my car, and the nights are longer.

You know how parents and grandparents are always saying nonsense like "Wear a coat or you will catch a cold?" Some kind of old barbaric belief that actually being cold is what causes you to catch a cold? Well the opposite of that is true. Germs can't flourish when it's 10 degrees outside, the same way they don't do so well in your fridge. When you walk outside in the wintertime and take a deep frosty breath you can rest assured than you are not inhaling any germs or allergens (well maybe SOME germs).

Speaking of coats. I happen to have a very badass jacket that weighs nine pounds. But it's not just wearing it that makes me like the cold. It's because when I have to put on a coat I have pockets! I love having pockets. I hate having to keep my car keys in my pants. Especially with these stupid fat plastic keys I have for my Passat. They are like keys for a toy car you buy at TOYS'R'US. They are HUGE! and you need two of them to make the car work. I have some other keychains and stuff on it too so it's a huge pain in the ass! I love just leaving that pile of shit in my coat pocket and not having it effect my life.

I mentioned food in my care. What am I talking about? Well you ever try to keep a Snicker's bar in your car during the summer? I bet you know what I am talking about, that candy bar is ruined. Well in the winter time, you can keep whatever you want in your car and it wont rot or melt. I am mostly just talking about candy like Three Musketeers bars, and Snickers. But it even works with beef jerky. If it gets REALLY cold than the stuff will actually freeze, and you get the pleasure of eating frozen M&M or jelly beans on those long care rides. Check it out.

Finally, the long nights. This one is very simple. I am a horrible sleeper. I often go to bed very very late. By late I mean 6AM. Because I am such a fragile sleeper, the sun coming into my room disturbs me further. When it's winter and the sun doesn't rise until 10AM then I have a much easier time sleeping. Which I like. I used to hate it when I was little because I could only play outside until like 5:30PM, but I don't play outside anymore so I don't care about the night. I just want the sunrise to be later.

According to Dante's Divine Comedy the eighth and final layer of hell isn't actually a place full of fire but of ice. It's a large frozen lake in which the sinners are trapped, frozen up to their necks. Interesting how this presents cold as the worst place to be. Part of the conspiracy to convince the world that summer is a preferable season. Non-sense I say.