Mario Haiku (July 29, 2006)

The common koopa:
Mostly harmless to humans
Slaughtered for their shells.


Green spotted mushroom
grown in brick and mortar blocks—
second chance at life.


Floating marshmallow
He can't help the way he is,
the cutest undead.


Although uncreative
he has determination.
Kidnap the princess!


Professor Toadsworth
The princess's retainer
You know what that means.


FLUDD water device
Mario's swiss army knife
and comic relief.

Tough Wednesday (June 15, 2006)

Demand masonry?
Take your hallow threats elsewhere
Madrid will be mine.


Pulled an all-nighter
before a three hour class
—Civilization


In my morning grog
I hunt for a pop machine.
School of management.


Vault energy drink
seventy-eight grams of sugar?
Bottled heart attack.


Thirty minutes pass
before I realize
I'm not listening.


Very abruptly
puts on her denim jacket...
She must have noticed.


Ten minute break.
I ponder leaving early;
the angel prevails.

Summer Class (June 12, 2006)

Weeks of all-nighters
into a ten AM class.
I long for a nap.


Managment teacher,
she looks like a ball buster,
she probably is.


During the lecture
I resist checking the clock
Always a letdown.

River Falls (June 9, 2006)

amazon dot com
We hunt for hidden treasure
elusive goomba.


Late night excursion—
Under glowing street lamps
we share our feelings.


Digorno Pizza.
Every time we get tripsy
midnight snack of choice.


Lisa drinks me jokes
while I take shots of whisky
her jokes are tipsy.


Jamie not herself
Is it Ben or period?
I give it one guess...


Lisa writes haiku
who's quality threatens me
Good thing I love her.


Lisa wears no bra
I can tell by her nipples
My pants get tighter.

Underwear Shopping (May 23, 2006)

Underwear Shopping
at Frederick's of Hollywood:
Presents of Lisa.


Extra extra large—
Who would buy a thong that big?
Looks like no one does.


Robyn and Tina
Coordinated purchase.
Underwear sisters.


Hot days of summer—
even though the air is thick
toilet seats are warm.

Jaime and Lisa (May 18, 2006)

Pad Face eats Pad Thai—
is it cannibalism
or just irony?


Lisa and Jaime
dialogue tuns sexual.
Thai food restaurant.


Don't let your guard down
clubs and bars in the city—
cougars on the prowl.


Dr. Mario:
L knows pharmaceuticals.
J knows excuses.

Lisa's Graduation (May 13, 2006)

Eight pages of names
but only one with value
Our lovely Lisa.


Babies are cellphones
That can't be put on vibrate.
Leave them at home please.

Pink Slip (May 3, 2006)

Birthday week begins
on an unfortunate note.
Party on friday.


To the management:
I hope you get paralyzed
sooner the better.


If I had the power
to cause cancer with my thoughts—
UCS outbreak.


I lighted the load
with the help of liquor,
and a few good friends.

Load Off (April 26, 2006)

Final projects done
I feel thirteen pounds lighter.
Three tests remaining.


Out in a T-Shirt
I'm sick of it already:
Minnesota spring.


Pencil like a knife
Teacher evaluations;
I hold nothing back.


Brace for the river
Anything but a diamond...
—Seven of diamonds.

Bruno in Trouble (April 24, 2006)

My rebellious child,
expelled from the dog kennel—
Fight instigator.


I pick up Bruno
and take him to McDonalds;
double cheeseburger.


Bruno needs a bath
after the battle royal
I got one as well.

Domino's Pizza (April 21, 2006)

Quadruple seven
Domino domination.
Orgy of pizza.

Leaning Tower of Pizza (April 18, 2006)

The Leaning Tower
uncharted territory
--Celery pizza.


Hot bloody mary.
A flame kindles in my guts
--A spicy future.


Some drink after work,
sympathy for the absent:
gossip festival.


Justin's last week here
UCS without poker?
What a fucking beat!


Robyn and Tina
express thier lesbian love.
Boys with erections.


Bob and Tina chat;
clitoral conversation--
Happy to eavesdrop.

Passover (April 12, 2006)

I leave class early
under Judaism's guise.
Happy passover.

Nap Hunger (April 10, 2006)

Outside birds chirping,
excited about the sun,
wake me for my day.


Everyday in class
I plan on napping later
never follow through.


It's finally warm:
flaunt it if you got it girls!
-Way ahead of me.

Routine (March 29, 2006)

My bedtime thwarted—
friendly instant messages.
That's what friends are for.



Crossword-puzzle class.
the Minnesota Daily.
Lecture provides ambience.



Giant burrito;
double meat, guacamole.
Ten dollar monster.



Grey glow though my blinds
pissed off I do my routine.
Bike seat wet from rain.



My computer works:
harvesting information.
Fishing for torrents.

Doom III (March 23, 2006)

Zombie hamburger
Chain-saw ends their moans and growls
Trusty Beavertooth.



A zombie crumbles;
I scan through his PDA:
Dr. Frank Lamia.



I'd give my pinky
for a case of shotgun shells.
Mag-light lacks in range.

Blizzard (March 15, 2006)

Lonely stoplight
cycling though it's pattern
for a single car.



Poker mistreats me.
All statistics fall apart
when you're running bad.



As soon as snow melts
the clouds unleash punishment .
A ten-inch surprise.

Last Day 'for Break (March 9, 2006)

Queen of diamonds cries;
the diamond king unfaithful.
Slut—Queen of hearts


Dozing through classes
I look forward to coffee.
Make up for my loss.


Buttons on my coat
ponder their experience
with me—and before.


Low-life professor.
I try to pass the class-time
by wishing ill-will.

Hate School (March 6, 2006)

A gigantic mug—
too big for coffee or tea
perfect size for soup.


Multiple choice test,
like jigsaw word puzzle.
I am good at those.


Douche-bag manager
false sense of accomplishment
an enormous head.

I Hate School (February 22, 2006)

Less students in class
with each passing meeting.
Sand in an hourglass.



Going to bed so late
I only dream on weekends.
Weekdays are all "snooze."